My son eloped with his girlfriend, no fan fare no one invited, I figured he would Marry her just not this quick or like this, any way now my new daughter in law is having a friend host a wedding shower????? and she expects presents, She has told my youngest son more then once what he could get her or them, he dosnt think its right and finally told her he didnt have the money to buy them a gift but he would attend the wedding shower, she told him that was ok he could just get them a 12 pack or some bbq (this is being held at a church) ok so that really upset me, I told him dont take her anything be there for your brother. and be respectful of his wife. my husbund and I told her she forfieted the right to a gift when she choose to Marry the way she did at which point she wanted my son to take up for her because as she put it that wasnt right and it hurt her feelings, how tacky can you be? she didn’t think enough of us to inform us they were getting married. we were visitng them 3 days before they got married , so yes my feeling were hurt I understood them not wanting a big fuss I didn’t understand the deceit. ok so whats done is done we will survive this. but then to expect me to buy a present or to expect anyone to buy her anything is really not winning any favors with me, so am I wrong for feeling this way i mean has times really changed this much that this is ok
It’s time to forgive them, heal these families, and celebrate this union.
Elopement itself doesn’t sound as if it is acceptable within your subculture. When you elope you don’t announce it. The young man puts a ladder against the girl’s upstairs bedroom window and carries her off into the night. It comes from a tradition in certain regions of Great Britain and was transplanted into regions of America a long long time ago. I think there are other cultures that have a similar tradition.
I realize no one asked your permission or invited you, and that is a slap in the face. However, they are married now and that means she is now your daughter too.
Customarily, when people elope, after the couple return from their honeymoon, their families throw them a reception to welcome the respective spouses into the families. It’s not the couple asking for gifts. It’s supposed to be the family rejoicing for having their kidnapped family member returned to them and getting an additional family member. It’s a recognition of the marriage.
So, as a parent, you should contact the other parents and throw these young people a reception. Gifts should be given as well. It is a celebration after all.
I agree with you 100%, when you elope and marry in secret you forfeit all rights to showers and parties. They have to accept the consequences of their actions. I agree with you that your son should go and support his brother and not bother with a gift. Maybe just a nice card congratulation them would work. It is very odd that the bride’s friend is throwing a shower for her!
Good luck!
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I think if someone secretly elopes, they forfeit the shower and all the other wedding "goodies."
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A wedding shower isn’t appropriate. However, a reception would be entirely appropriate.
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Trying to get presents after eloping is just tacky. They chose to marry by themselves and must deal with the consequences: No celebrations and no gifts.
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Tacky. I can understand throwing a party to celebrate, but they should be low key and they should not expect presents.
I would find something to do so you are out of town on that day, and try and keep the peace since she is now part of your family. You don’t have to go to the shower though.
Since this is your kid, you may want to give them a gift. I hate these kind of gift grabs though, so I would wait a few months and give them something just as a gift or a big birthday present. That way you won’t feel bad about helping but you won’t be contributing to this crazy party.
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It’s awful that she is expecting presents but I disagree that they forfeited any possibility of gifts or celebrations by eloping. I think that people often do this when they have no money for a wedding. But they have probably purchased many wedding gifts for friends and relatives who got married. Shouldn’t these people who received gifts from them reciprocate?
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Hopefully times haven’t changed, I’m 27 and I find this appalling. Talk to your son, not to her. He’s having this shower also obviously, tell him it’s rude and tacky. If it’s going to be coed and at a church are you sure it’s not a reception?
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I agree with you. Isn’t the point of eloping to avoid all of the parties and fanfare and just simply get married? I don’t really see the point if you still want to do all of the activities associated with a family and friends wedding.
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It’s time to forgive them, heal these families, and celebrate this union.
Elopement itself doesn’t sound as if it is acceptable within your subculture. When you elope you don’t announce it. The young man puts a ladder against the girl’s upstairs bedroom window and carries her off into the night. It comes from a tradition in certain regions of Great Britain and was transplanted into regions of America a long long time ago. I think there are other cultures that have a similar tradition.
I realize no one asked your permission or invited you, and that is a slap in the face. However, they are married now and that means she is now your daughter too.
Customarily, when people elope, after the couple return from their honeymoon, their families throw them a reception to welcome the respective spouses into the families. It’s not the couple asking for gifts. It’s supposed to be the family rejoicing for having their kidnapped family member returned to them and getting an additional family member. It’s a recognition of the marriage.
So, as a parent, you should contact the other parents and throw these young people a reception. Gifts should be given as well. It is a celebration after all.
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Ok, it sounds to me like you are a little pissed. Your son is of age and if he wanted to elope, then fine. Maybe YOU wanted a family event, but he, obviously, did not. With that being said, she is being a bit tacky. A party or reception isnt out of line here, but her EXPECTING gifts and even telling people what they could get them is beyond tacky. Its up to you whether or not to gift. Just go to the party and have fun. Try not to think about the betrayal you feel you have endured and help your son celebrate his new life
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