Comments on: wedding shower after they eloped?

By: Misha M

Misha M — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 15:10:59 +0000

Ok, it sounds to me like you are a little pissed. Your son is of age and if he wanted to elope, then fine. Maybe YOU wanted a family event, but he, obviously, did not. With that being said, she is being a bit tacky. A party or reception isnt out of line here, but her EXPECTING gifts and even telling people what they could get them is beyond tacky. Its up to you whether or not to gift. Just go to the party and have fun. Try not to think about the betrayal you feel you have endured and help your son celebrate his new life
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By: woahinkian

woahinkian — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:49:59 +0000

It’s time to forgive them, heal these families, and celebrate this union.

Elopement itself doesn’t sound as if it is acceptable within your subculture. When you elope you don’t announce it. The young man puts a ladder against the girl’s upstairs bedroom window and carries her off into the night. It comes from a tradition in certain regions of Great Britain and was transplanted into regions of America a long long time ago. I think there are other cultures that have a similar tradition.

I realize no one asked your permission or invited you, and that is a slap in the face. However, they are married now and that means she is now your daughter too.

Customarily, when people elope, after the couple return from their honeymoon, their families throw them a reception to welcome the respective spouses into the families. It’s not the couple asking for gifts. It’s supposed to be the family rejoicing for having their kidnapped family member returned to them and getting an additional family member. It’s a recognition of the marriage.

So, as a parent, you should contact the other parents and throw these young people a reception. Gifts should be given as well. It is a celebration after all.
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By: S~

S~ — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:39:59 +0000

I agree with you. Isn’t the point of eloping to avoid all of the parties and fanfare and just simply get married? I don’t really see the point if you still want to do all of the activities associated with a family and friends wedding.
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By: ?•?•Cassie•?•?

?•?•Cassie•?•? — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:21:59 +0000

Hopefully times haven’t changed, I’m 27 and I find this appalling. Talk to your son, not to her. He’s having this shower also obviously, tell him it’s rude and tacky. If it’s going to be coed and at a church are you sure it’s not a reception?
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By: Tricia R

Tricia R — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 13:57:59 +0000

It’s awful that she is expecting presents but I disagree that they forfeited any possibility of gifts or celebrations by eloping. I think that people often do this when they have no money for a wedding. But they have probably purchased many wedding gifts for friends and relatives who got married. Shouldn’t these people who received gifts from them reciprocate?
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By: science chick

science chick — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 13:40:59 +0000

Tacky. I can understand throwing a party to celebrate, but they should be low key and they should not expect presents.

I would find something to do so you are out of town on that day, and try and keep the peace since she is now part of your family. You don’t have to go to the shower though.

Since this is your kid, you may want to give them a gift. I hate these kind of gift grabs though, so I would wait a few months and give them something just as a gift or a big birthday present. That way you won’t feel bad about helping but you won’t be contributing to this crazy party.
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By: Amanda

Amanda — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 13:11:59 +0000

Trying to get presents after eloping is just tacky. They chose to marry by themselves and must deal with the consequences: No celebrations and no gifts.
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By: sillywhisper

sillywhisper — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:39:59 +0000

A wedding shower isn’t appropriate. However, a reception would be entirely appropriate.
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By: daVIDica

daVIDica — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 11:54:59 +0000

I think if someone secretly elopes, they forfeit the shower and all the other wedding "goodies."
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By: Kristy

Kristy — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 11:36:59 +0000

I agree with you 100%, when you elope and marry in secret you forfeit all rights to showers and parties. They have to accept the consequences of their actions. I agree with you that your son should go and support his brother and not bother with a gift. Maybe just a nice card congratulation them would work. It is very odd that the bride’s friend is throwing a shower for her!

Good luck!
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